Dumb Questions for Smart Writers

We discussed what was a good question to ask writers during Newbie Writers Podcast Episode 21. 

Without good questions, we cannot get great answers. It seems rather obvious, but people don’t always follow the obvious course.

I have walked out of author interviews. Not because the author wasn’t marvelous, often she was. What drives me from an presentation or key note or panel are the lame questions.   At a recent book signing,  Natalie Goldberg prefaced her question and answer period with the plea, “And don’t ask me what color pen I use to write.”

Fair enough. In the case of the pen question, I think sometimes we think that the writer possesses something magical that we in turn can purchase ourselves. Maybe Goldberg uses a magic pen, something that can be acquired at the Harry Potter theme park.  We want to know where to get the magic.   Maybe that’s a better question, where do you get the magic?  I’ll guess right now that’s an unanswerable question.

But how can you get a great, interesting answer if the question is so terribly mundane? Here are some better questions to ask a writer next time you are in a conference or at a book reading.

• What made you fall in love with writing?
•  How do you feel while you are writing?
• What other authors do you admire?
• Who influenced you? (Ask for particulars, maybe those writers will help your work)
• Do you listen to music when you write?
• If you were not an author what would you be?
• What are the last five books you have read?
•  Do you mentor emerging writers? Do new writers need mentors?
• What do you sacrifice to write?
• What is the most demeaning thing that has been said about you as a writer? How did you react?
• What do you find to be the most challenging thing about writing?
• What is your schedule when writing?
• (The holy grail) What do you think makes a good story?

I hope the authors will not only answer your questions, but thank you for the opportunity to utter an intelligent response.

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Traveling with Electronics

I’ve traveled with many, many items stuffed in my carry- on.  The iPad seems to hold all the answers for a mobile traveler.  Here’s what I discovered:

The Good:  The iPad is marvelous for travel. It’s small, light and I can carry it with me at all times.  (I was in Vietnam, Thailand and Cambodia so I kept the iPad in a gallon zip lock bag to protect it from the humidity).

Like a paper based notebook, The iPad turns on as soon as the cover opens, so making notes in Pages was easy.  I opened it up, made a few notes, and closed it.  For someone who previously traveled with a Mac Book, this instant access is like a tiny miracle.

I recommend the Pages app for  ten dollars because even though the journal apps are fun, they aren’t as easily transferrable to the main computer.  And so much of what we write is destine to our main lap top. I was also able to add  photos to the journal entries to keep track of where and what I was doing.

The on screen key board takes getting use to, but I became fairly proficient. (Why? Because once I add a stand alone key board I have effectively created a lap top, which was not the point).  The iPad works on busses, planes, trains, most modes of transportation (not motor bikes, I observed that a passenger must limit herself to   texting by phone while perched on the back of a motorbike).

I loved the long battery life and I loved carrying one device that included email, all my reading material and all my writing notes and observations. I was able to download two books from Amazon and read them immediately while in transit thus continuing the vacation attitude of satisfying every whim, every want – right now.

A year ago the iPad was ubiquitous and if possibly, it’s more so now.   Tourists carried iPad’s in Vientiane, played games on them while waiting at the boarder in Laos, read books on the plane to Bangkok, took photos in Angkor Wat.   This seemed to be the new traveler accessory, considerably more flattering than a waist pack.

The Bad:  The  auto fill function is bitch when you are typing in  foreign place names.

The auto fill  will also thwart your efforts to employ polysyllabic words, so there is a great deal of back spacing involved during data entry.  And the foreign words and phrases are not found in the spell checker.

The Ugly:  The worst thing about the iPad is that though I could upload all my photos into it during the trip , and I could organize them during travel time, when the photos were ultimately upload into my lap top,  all the categorization was lost, the albums did not synch and the photos ended up just consolidated into one huge event.   So don’t waste your time organizing photos on the iPad.  Work to correct all those weird place names the auto correct “fixed.”

Would I take it again?  I still love the iPad for my books and reading collections.  But if I really want to work, conduct on line classes, real correspondence and work on long writing projects, I still need the lap top.

On the other hand, if I need to keep all my electronics with me at all times, then the iPad is pretty awesome.

I am migrating this blog to be part of NewbieWriters.com  Until we have complete lift off, both blogs will publish simultaneously.  Sorry Panda.

 

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Advice for the Humorless

In Episode 15 of Newbie Writers Podcast we discussed humor.  Humor is hard.

You already know how fraught with danger the average joke is. The inability  to tell a joke is a cliché in of itself. Did you hear the one about? It brings to mind the stereotype sales person, over dressed, over excited, and filled with exclamation points, trying too hard.  Or worse, people like my lovely mother who cannot tell a joke without wandering off the subject in order to elaborate on unrelated points and descriptions only to return to the main story not only derailed but missing key points that would, in ordinary circumstances, help the punch line make sense.  

I was the first woman to burn my bra —  it took the fire department four days to put it out.

~ Dolly Parton 

One rule I’ve learned about humor is that the harder you try, the less funny you will be.  I tell my public speaking students that unless they are very, very funny, forget the joke. But  if they have a recent amusing antidote, tell that, it won’t be hilarious, but mildly entertaining can accomplish the same end as humor – to bring people together, to make them laugh.

Mark Twain wrote: “The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story is strictly a work of art — high and delicate art — and only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it.”

Aside of American boosterism, Twain’s advice is sound, if we stick with what we are good at, and Americans are good at stories, we will succeed.

“Humor is just another defense against the universe.”  

~ Mel Brooks 

Light humor, like adding a funny icon to your PowerPoint presentation, is just fine. Or you can make a cute, off-hand remark to liven up a presentation.  Make an insider  comment that only your audience members will understand, it can be humorous as well as a bond between you and your audience.

A topical comment within a report or an email can be effective, if the report or posting is not meant to last. A topical reference in an annual report won’t work in your favor. It will age out and look not only silly but irreverent. You do not want to write papers or reports or articles that quickly become irrelevant — that would be a waste of time.

“Well I thought it was funny”  

~ Stephen Corbert 

The essential element of humor is to not work too hard at it.  If it is NOT your nature to write wittily or humorously, you may want to just pass on the whole humor thing in your correspondence. Be sincere, be clever, be yourself, but don’t work to be funny, the odds that the whole endeavor will backfire are very, very high.

Save yourself. If you really want to be funny,  just quote other people.

I am migrating this blog to be part of NewbieWriters.com  Until we have complete lift off, both blogs will publish simultaneously.  Sorry Panda.

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Slang – USA vs Australia

My partner in Australia once challenged me to a slang smack down. Slang is the early indicator of word changes and language evolution.  On many levels slang is academically interesting and worthy of serious study.  For a writer and poet, slang can give your writing color and interest, but only in  small doses.

But for Newbie Writers Podcast, we just wanted to be funny.

While Damien had a wealth of Australian slang at his disposal, indeed, I once listened to a young Aussie deliver a paragraph of instructions and I did not understand a word she said, I am from a slang free zone – Sonoma County.  I was in big trouble.

So I appealed to the students in my Oakland class.  Give me your inner city slang, I pleaded.

And they did.

And I won the smack down.

Here are a few examples from our show –  Newbie Writers Podcast – Episode 11

Catharine’s Slang contribution:

• Beat –  Stereo system in a car
• Get your Issue –  Death Sentence
• Hood – neighborhood
• Ratchet –  Girl from the Ghetto
• Tight – flash or cool
• What’s up with it? –  What’s up, what’s good?
• Shawty – girlfriend
• Get it in –  Sex, hours of work
• Ya Feel me?  – Do you understand?
• Jump off – mistress
• Swag – personal Style, confidence
• Slap –  Cool song or loud music
• Hater –  Slander, heinous deed against you,  contempt
• It’s a wrap –  it’s over
• Kiss the baby –  it’s over
• Go hard or go home –  make the effort
• Paper –  Money
• Bopper – whore
• Pop off –  Drama, fight is brewing
• Fire on you – punch you

Damien’s slang contribution:

• Ankle biter –   child
• Berko –  angry
• Big bikkies – money
• On the Blower – telephone
• Bonzer – terrific
• Boofhead – idiot – football
• Chock a block or Chocker’s –  full
• G’day Cobber –  mate
• Crack-a-Coldie –   beer
• Cozzie – bathing suits
• Daks – shorts or underpants
• Dero – tramp homeless
• Dog’s breakfast – messy
• Dunny –  toilet, loo
• Durry -cirgarettes
• Fair dinkum –  genuine
• Grouse (adj.) –  terrific surfer speak
• Flat out like a Lizard drinking –  busy
• Ridgy-didge –  orignial
• Yobbo –  uncouth person

So don’t be a boofhead, go hard, or go home.

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Straight to a Publisher

Instead of wooing an agent, many writers are working directly with niche or boutique publishers and finding the relationship very satisfying.

If you want to go directly to a small publishers, how do you approach him or her?

In our early days, Newbie Writers Podcast interviewed niche publisher Lyle Perez  of Rainstorm Press 

Here is some of Lyle’s Advice

• Query letters are important to publishers as well as agents.
• The questions a publisher asks is, can I invest in this work and person? It is the writer’s job to reassure the publisher that yes, he or she can successfully invest in you and your book.
• The Advance from  a smaller publisher is small, like  $25 to $50 but the author will earn more in royalties
• It usually takes about a month to get back to an author
• There are a million small publishers in the world –  so a writer CAN find them and find the right fit.
• Small Publishers have followings so that readers really do read “everything” that a publisher like Rainstorm press puts out.

Historically, Publishers have always sold to bookstores not to readers. Like publishers, author need to speak directly to their readers, so your book is not just a book, it is a blog, twitter feed, Facebook conversation, appearances, workshops, conferences, library readings.

And yes, even with a small, boutique publisher, your book can make it onto the shelves of a brick and mortar store.

We say, check out the boutique publishers, and see what they can do for you and your book.

I am migrating this blog to be part of NewbieWriters.com  Until we have complete lift off, both blogs will publish simultaneously.  Sorry Panda.

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Tools For Your Platform

One of our earliest episodes for Newbie Writers Podcast was to define and figure out what the heck is a writer’s platform. Since this is still a troubling term for writers, here are a couple ideas to help you build your own platform:

A platform is what you stand on to make your point.  So what is your point?  

An easy way to think of this is: Why are your writing this book?

Non Fiction – the point and platform is often the theme of the book.

From this platform and theme articles, blogs, web site, twitter posts and  audience segmentation will all flow.  Think of the platform as representing  your passion and beliefs, it’s what you stack   all the social media and other books on.  The bigger the platform, the easier it is for people to see you as you stand a head above the  crowd.

Fiction –  What is a central theme?  Child abuse?  A discovery journey?  Find a solid theme that you are willing to discuss and expand upon for at least a couple of years, and you have your platform.

For instance, Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote Uncle Tom’s Cabin to express her idea that if she was devastated over the loss of her child, wouldn’t a slave woman feel the same?  The story was about motherhood, the platform was the call to end slavery.

Once you find that theme, you can write articles blogs etc.  about that theme and the tie it to your fiction book that addresses the platform issue.

Children’s books–  Your platform can be reading is important and your book is an example of fine children’s reading.

Or the children’s book touches on a popular issue or theme.  Again, be cautious of being trendy, you have to discuss this subject forever, it helps if you like it or believe in it.

 Memoir, can be regionally targeted, time targeted, issue targeted. Whatever group  you discuss will be the target group who will relate to your story, their shared concerns will be your platform.

And a  caution about a book and a platform – how much do you like it?  How committed are you?  If you are passionate about a cause, or the subject matter of your non fiction book, you will love the endless conversations, the lecturing, the book signings.  But if you wrote a book because it was trendy, you will soon tire of the subject – your platform – and you’ll become bored.

You will notice, and so will your fans.

  

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The Reluctant Twitter

Sometimes I  cannot ignore the signs, even if you work really, really hard.

The first sign was my friend Beth Barany just published her  excellent book Twitter for Authors and she asked me to review it.

Then my client Julia Stege, who is on the verge of launching her first book, pinned me down (and oh lord that’s something else to manage) and offered to help me with whatever social media eludes me.

And that was, again, Twitter. As if a little bird told them.

For good information, reference Beth’s book and Julia’s Web site.

If you’re flummoxed about how to approach the damn thing, stay here, it won’t take long.

Once I realized that Twitter was really just a very  large cocktail party juiced by illegal steroids, it made it easier to answer one of the first questions in Twitter for Authors: What kind of relationship do you want with Twitter?

Up until now, I’ve treated Twitter as a seething noise of one night stands. Then I thought it was only for other people because the music was too loud.  Finally, with the party idea to help, I realized that what I wanted now was connection  – even a few minutes connecting and conversing is  valuable and worth the time  spent.  How many times do we leave a party satisfied because of a few marvelous one on one conversations?

To find those connection Julia told me to find and follow people I find interesting and who,  therefore, would be interested in what I have to offer.  And go ahead and have some fun (this was recommended by both these experts).  Just as you have more fun discussing Renaissance Art instead of networking for your insurance business, a Twitter conversation about your favorite show or film  may be just the connection you need.

Share the love. When we introduce people at a party we often say – hey, I think you’ll like Sue, she quilts just like you –  we are part of the connections and will benefit even as we hook up our pals.

Like every advice column we’ve ever read, Twitter follows the age old trope of be interested in other people and they in turn, will find you flipp’n fascinating.

So limit how much you talk about yourself   (As soon as you start over promoting your products, you web site and yourself, everyone else will  stampede  for the stuffed mushrooms).  Share something, quote your friends, promote their books, it will make you look that much better.

I love a party, but if you don’t, then (staying with the party metaphor) Twitter maybe exactly the thing for you.  You can take your time, respond when you want, and join conversations on your own terms. You don’t even need to worry about your hair.

Okay, one more question  from Twitter for Authors; What does winning the social media game look like to you?

What does wining at a party or networking event look like?  Is winning walking away with a date for the next night?  Finding the perfect mate?  Finding the perfect job or employee?

I think Beth makes a good point, if we don’t know what we’re after, it’s hard to get terribly involved or enthusiastic about the game.

So get Twitter for Authors, figure out what you want from Twitter and join the conversation.  Talk to me, I’ll be looking for you.

@Cbramkamp

Beth will discuss her book and how to Tweet Better –  on Newbie Writers Podcast  Friday August 23rd.  I can never keep track of what episode number it is.  Just head to Newbie Writers.

I am migrating this blog to be part of NewbieWriters.com  Until we have complete lift off, both blogs will publish simultaneously.  Sorry Panda.

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Forget The Voice, authors have “The Pen.”

After following The Voice, and voting with iTune downloads, I decided that  aspiring authors need a smiliarily televised contest.

I call it “The Pen”  (cue the pyrotechnics because we hardly ever get a theme song and pyrotechnics at our poetry readings)

The judges are an eclectic representation of style and genres:

• Leah Durham
• David Sedaris
• Stephen King
• Amanda Hocking

The contestants were many and varied, but to save time, here are the final five:

• Brad –   a mid list author who’s last two publishers shelved his Dungeons and Dragons series under the DIY section in every brick and mortar store in the country.
• Amber –  our cute, bubbly Teen author who naturally talented even though she’s written nothing more than poetry and song lyrics before entering “the Pen”.
• Mary Beth – the  most mature contestant, has been the president of her writing club five times, yet never published beyond the group’s own anthology.
• Sybil –  who is  looking for a comeback after her re- tread of her last paranormal romance series as ebooks tanked.
• Susan and Mark – the only writing team still speaking to each other in person. They write  mystery novels but their indie publisher just went bankrupt, lost the storage contract and their sales are not high enough for them to be picked up by any other publisher.

Last night the contestants read passages of their work written after a grueling week of coaching and revision with their coach.  The production value was high involving smoke machines, projections of odd gears and rain drops and sparkly stuff.

• Amber employed a large Greek Chorus for her re-imagining of the Iliad.
• Brad brought out a bongo ensemble to play while he read his work, Howling.  He also distributed  marijuana to all the judges in the hopes it would help.
• Mary Beth stole the audience’s heart with her rhymed rondeau dedicated to Sprinkles, her Chihuahua.

(all rights are reserved by the production company).

American voted for their favorite author by downloading the full work from  Smashwords at .05  cents each. (All income is divided between the show sponsors and Mark Corker)

The writer who earns $100 first, wins the grand prize.

Highlights of the  feedback from the coaches after last night:

• Leah Durham –  “Susan and Mark, it seems like you were struggling to hit that metaphor, ease off, let it speak for you.”
• David Sedaris –  “Sybil, you had the room, that was a prefect sentence.  The best double parallelism we’ve seen all night. But you need to be funnier, you know, I’m funny.”
• Amanda Hocking – “Amber, don’t be afraid of those compound sentences, just breath into them, and take that pause at the semi colon. Although I don’t think compound sentences earned any author much money.”
• Stephen King –  “Mary Beth, I can’t believe the dog died, that was so moving – I know I’m not the only one here crying.”

Of course, we need  lame, behind-the-scene interviews  with the strung out contestants, here are the most publishable comments:

• “Amber’s style is so natural,   I had a lot of red-line editing to do before tonight, but I think I’m ready.”
• “I know I’m only 16,  but my family is really supportive.”
• “I’m just going out there and read my work and hope American votes for me.”
•  “I can’t believe she used the dog story.  It was a cheap shot.  I wish I thought of it.”

And the Winner  is . . .

Amber, who apparently knows more people who are familiar with the complexities of downloads.

Amber was offered a publishing contract with  “The Pen” sponsor, Penguin Books.  But after weeks  hanging out with the other contestants, Amber  opted instead for a million dollars up front and took a lucrative speaking engagement offered by Author Solutions that is in no way influenced by the sponsor.

We wish Amber the best, because like winning the Pulitzer, she will forever be introduced as “Winner of “The Pen”” before her name.  It’s quite an honor.

You are welcome to re-post this article in your own blog or newsletter – please include this entire statement, “Catharine Bramkamp is a Writing Coach and podcaster, find out if you’re ready to go from  Newbie to Known visit http://www.yourbookstartshere.com or bramkamp@yahoo.com for a complimentary consultation.”

Hunting for an Agent Part II

A web site called Agent Hunter contacted us through Newbie Writers Podcast and asked for a review and some exposure on our show.  Listen to more of what they have to say Friday June 7.

Here are more  features of Agent Hunter I like:

Meet Agents

Some agents make themselves available to meet writers at conferences like the Writers’ Workshop Festival of Writing in York. If you want to meet agents, you can set this option to “yes” to select only those agents you have a chance of meeting face to face.

Notice when we say meet, we do not mean stalk. You are not encouraged to follow an agent around during a three day conference.

Sometimes, everything is linked.

• Do know who you want to sign up to meet during an agent speed dating session.
• Do sit in on their presentation.
• Do discover who they represent who is also at the conference and talk with THAT author.
• Do sit  at their table during a meal.
• Don’t trap them in the rest room
• Don’t push your manuscript to them under the bathroom stall door  (true story).
• Don’t follow them outside to share a smoke if you don’t smoke.

Blogs / Twitter

If an agent blogs or tweets, you can sometimes get a useful idea of who they are and what they want. If you value that kind of data, set these search terms to “Yes” to select only those agents with the relevant online profile.

If you are a fan of Twitter, do follow the agents you love!  It’s cheaper than a conference and easier to start a relationship. When to follow?  Now, even as you are creating your book. By setting up the relationship ahead of time, you’ll be poised to send off your book to the right agent, who, at the very least, will send you a more personal rejection.

On line directories and sites are very, very helpful in honing in on the best agent to pitch to.  It does take time. The most frustrating part of finding an agent is how long it can take. Overnight success is like that.

You are welcome to re-post this article in your own blog or

You are welcome to re-post this article in your own blog or  newsletter – please include this entire statement,  “Catharine Bramkamp is a Writing Coach and podcaster, find out if you’re ready to go from  Newbie to Known visit www.yourbookstartshere.com or bramkamp@yahoo.com for a complimentary consultation.” 

Hunting for an Agent Part I

A web site called Agent Hunter contacted us through Newbie Writers Podcast and asked for a review and some exposure on our show.  Listen to more of what they have to say Friday June 7, in the mean time,  today and Thursday I’ll list a couple of features about the site and about finding an agent.

Oh, and first of all – for fiction, have the MS finished, really finished, already reviewed by friends/professional, already edited, and copy edited.  THEN you are ready to hunt down an agent.

Emily Carr’s House – She had an agent.

For non-fiction, you’ll need a full outline and maybe the first two chapters written, and a strong proposal.

Here are features of Agent Hunter I like:

Who Represents Who

If you love an author, you can use a keyword search to see if you can locate the agent who represents that author. Do note that not all agents disclose their client lists, so the keyword search won’t work where a given client-author relationship is not public.

This is marvelous idea and well worth the visit to Agent Hunter.  Is your book “like” another author’s book? Do you write similar things?   Have you met an author who recommended you look up her agent and now you can’t remember the agent’s name?  This feature can really help, because believe it or not, that high concept pitch – my book is just like X –  is very helpful.

Likes / hates (keyword)

If you’ve written a thriller set in the Italian Alps, try searching on related keywords (Italy, thriller, mountaineering, mountains, Alps, etc) to see if you can locate a thriller addicted mountaineering agent. We get likes / dislikes data direct from agents and from other published sources.

Again, what a good idea.  I’ve talked with agents who really, really resent listing what they like, announcing what they like, handing out business cards with the list on the back of what they like and they still receive pitches for books that have nothing to do with what they like.

I had the misfortune of meeting with an agent who said he only dealt with macho books filled with car chases and explosions.  I held a manuscript filled with relationship angst.  Terrible fit,  but I was devastated anyway.  Sending your precious book to the wrong agent can set you back weeks or even months.  Don’t do it.  Set yourself up for success!

Read more in two days.

You are welcome to re-post this article in your own blog or

You are welcome to re-post this article in your own blog or  newsletter – please include this entire statement,  “Catharine Bramkamp is a Writing Coach and podcaster, find out if you’re ready to go from  Newbie to Known visit www.yourbookstartshere.com or bramkamp@yahoo.com for a complimentary consultation.”